Part 5 of Our Fertility Journey

At this point in our journey, I didn't know what would happen next, if anything. I felt God telling me not to give up, but I didn't know what that would entail. I had just lost any chance of getting pregnant naturally. Other options weren't ever on my radar. I also felt heartbroken and guilty. During the last two ectopic pregnancies I had missed out on some things for my three children......basketball games, a state cheer competition, and just being emotionally available for my kids and their needs. I'm a mom that tries to be at all of their events.....I love going to support them and I believe that presence is super important as well. Then there was considering my husband as well....he had been a rock for me to rely on and picked up where I couldn't most days. He was operating at 80% a lot and I was worth about 20%.

I continued my Bible Recap program of reading my Bible in a year. I was determined to not let the enemy win and did it on days where I really didn't want to.....I'm pretty stubborn. I asked God to take the wheel on this and finally fully felt like I gave the process of expanding our family over to him. I continued to heal emotionally and physically.

James and I explored some options a couple months later. We talked with friends that had adopted children and conferenced with a couple of christian adoption consultants and agencies. We had some amazing conversations with faith filled consultants who prayed over our situation on our calls and checked in on us in the process of deciding if this was a good fit for our family. Adoption is a beautiful thing! We just didn't feel God calling us in this direction, which was another let down.

We also discussed IVF, an option our doctor had brought up after our second ectopic pregnancy during the follow-up visit. This was so foreign to us as a couple and probably the scariest. I hadn't known of anyone close to either of us or our families that had gone through this process. It was also controversial as a christian. James and I had to pray and search for answers on our personal beliefs of this process. My husband found a sermon online that helped guide us to some scriptures and soul searching to see if this was an option we both agreed to. The sermon didn't specify what was "right or wrong", but just pointed believers in Christ to read the Bible and seek God's answers as a couple. After weeks of prayer, long talks, and some research, we decided to meet with the fertility clinic we had been referred to.

The meeting was very clinical. Our doctor was extremely nice, but just "matter of fact" with the statistics, probabilities, and hurdles we could face. The budget was also a consideration. IVF is not a cheap process and was more than we anticipated. My insurance covered NONE of it......no medications, procedures, or any of the care. We had more praying to do to figure our if we could somehow handle the financial cost of going with IVF and what that would look like in going through the process.....both emotionally and physically. We were given an overview, but definitely didn't have a clue of what the day to day reality would bring. The statistics were also not in my favor due to my age and other factors. What if we decided to go this route.....there was NO guarantee it would work at all. I compared the financial debate to friends as this......it is like going to a dealership to buy a car, paying for the car, but not knowing if you can actually take the car off the lot and drive it home. I know that is a silly analogy....but it made sense in my mind. What if we paid all of this money while I injected artificial hormones into my body.....and nothing came of it? What would I feel like putting all of this financial strain on our family if it were all for nothing but debt? Could I put my husband through this process? How would it affect my body? How would my other children handle it?

After going through some bloodwork and initial meetings with our fertility doctor, we were faced with the choice.....were we going to go through with IVF? I felt God calling me to step out in faith. I felt him calling me to trust in him blindly even though I didn't know the outcome. I felt him telling me that he would take care of the financial burden if I would just let go of the control, of the unknown, and just follow after him. I felt God telling me to let go of what others might think or how I may be judged for going this route. I knew God was continuing to write my story, regardless of whether we were successful with IVF or not. We prayed over this together and stepped out on a journey so foreign to either of us and embraced our IVF journey together trusting God to take care of us along the way. Stay tuned for our IVF journey....part 6 of this story!